Broken, Dreams

Thursday, September 3, 2026

Ugh.  Woke up at 3:15.  Did get back to sleep, sort of, but not the restful kind.  I did have a truly bonkers extended dream that mashed up all kinds of things that have been on my mind lately, it was hilarious.

Made it through the day, though.

Breakfast:  McD sausage burritos, hash browns.  Coffee

Meh, it wasn't good.

Lunch:  TB beefy crunch burrito, pepsi.

Small.  Later, had combos and pepsi

Dinner:  Chopped steak w swiss, mush, onion.  Mashed potatoes, garlic toast, salad w ranch, 32 oz Yuengling

Out to dinner for work.

Exercise:  Nope

138.4 

So Broken

Wednesday, September 2, 2026

May not be fixable at this point.  It's bad.

Breakfast:  Fage 2% greek yogurt, coffee

OK.

Lunch:  CFA spicy + pepper jack, strips w ranch, fries, lemonade

Tasty but bad for me.

Dinner:  Ham/salami/cheese sub, garlic cheese bread, rice krispy treat, coke

Ditto

Exercise:  Nope

138.0 

Bad Peaks

Tuesday, September 1, 2026

A new month and a new recent peak weight on the scale.  Ugh.  I have NOT been motivated.  Fat, tired and thoroughly burned out.

And I'm leaving on vacation in just over three weeks.  Yikes.

Breakfast:  Fage 2% greek yogurt, coffee

OK.

Lunch:  McD 2x mcdouble plain, fries, dr pepper

Not OK.  But tasty.

Dinner:  Jersey Mikes 56, chex mix, 7 up, limeade

And milky way.  Oof.

Exercise:  Nope

139.0 

Last Of This One

Monday, August 31, 2026

Another week.  Ugh.  Another Monday.  At least it's the last day of the month.

Good night of sleep, I think I was close to eight hours.  Scale very predictably up.  It's bad.

Breakfast:  Pretzel bagel w veggie cream cheese, coffee

One of the odder bagels I've ever had but it was fine.

Lunch:  Wendys pretzel pub bacon burger, fries, spicy nuggets, dr pepper

Excessive. 

Dinner:  Jimmy Johns #9, salt and vinegar chips, coke, brownie

Work.

Also 7 up and a little cheese popcorn 

Exercise:  Nope

137.0 

Connections Both Kinds

Sunday, August 30, 2026

Probably for the best that I did not have outdoor plans today as it's been a very soggy morning.  A good day to go out to breakfast, where I saw people I knew, and get some groceries where I saw more.  Connections.  And then I came home to crappy internet.  Bad connections.

Scale stayed in range.  Got extra sleep, which was good.  Still pretty tired this morning and holy cow am I weak. 

Breakfast:  Biscuits and gravy, 2 eggs over medium, hash browns, coffee

 

Again.  Going to have to pause on doing this though.  Also, Meijer donut holes

Lunch:   Cheese popcorn, 7 Up

Didn't need much.

Dinner:  Steak, baked potato w butter, green beans, 12 oz Miller Lite, vanilla ice cream w choc sauce

Sunday dinners. 

Also Big Mac, fries, Dr Pepper

Exercise:  Nope.

134.4 

Needed Ex

Saturday, August 29, 2026

Well I certainly needed the exercise.  My body was not quite so enthused, but I think that was more of a warning that I better get busy than anything more concerning.  Never felt great.

TGIS.  Scale up, slept OK but still tired.

Breakfast:  2 eggs over medium, hash browns, 3 strips bacon, raisin toast w jam, coffee

 

Once again

Lunch:  Pepsi, 12 oz Miller Lite

During and post-golf

Early Dinner:  BK texas whopper, fries, mozz fingers, Dr Pepper

Or maybe you call it late lunch.  One or the other.

Late Dinner:  Chorizo burrito, chips and salsa, mexican coke

Decided I was in need of late dinner.  It was okay.

Exercise:  18 holes with cart.  Not that much walking tbh.

136.4 

Ready For Reset

Friday, August 28, 2026

After a thoroughly exhausting week, I am ready for a reset.  I started dozing almost immediately after eating dinner last night.  Didn't get a great night of sleep.  Scale was down despite the evening binge since I didn't eat much else.  All in all:  UGH.

Plan is to hit the grocery store at some point.  It's been a bit.

Breakfast:  McD sausage burrito x2, hash brown.  Coffee

Again.

Lunch:  McD mcdouble plain, fries, 4 pc spicy nugget, coke

On the go.

Later, Steak and Shake tots and chocolate shake.  A crime of opportunity.  Was good.

Dinner:  Culvers mushroom swiss, fries, onion rings, coke

Took forever.

Exercise:  Nope.  And will be crashing early.

133.8 

Busier Than Ever

Thursday, August 27, 2026

I made a last minute decision to eat SOMETHING this morning.  Boy am I glad I did.  Never had time for lunch.  It was a busy, busy day.

Breakfast:  McD burrito, hash brown.  Coffee

Didn't go heavy, but yeah something was a good thing.

Lunch:  Pepsi

Avoided the vending machine food but went for the sugar/caffeine combo.

Dinner:  Hut thin pep beef pork, breadsticks, pepsi

Meh.  Finally a not as good Hut trip, maybe I can be done.

Exercise:  Nope

135.4 

Better Than Four

Wednesday, August 26, 2026

My ability to fight off falling asleep in the recliner is hit or miss.  Last evening, it was a miss.  But, as is almost always the case, I didn't sleep long because of the contact lenses.  Got up and got ready for bed and I was out.  Woke up early again, but at least this time it was at 5:00.  Which is better than 4:00.  Or earlier.  Didn't really get back to sleep but did doze a bit while trying to shift the thoughts away from work with limited success.  Need to fix that.

Scale down slightly for no notable reason.  Still need to fix many things.

Breakfast:  Pretzel bagel w veggie cream cheese, coffee

Very tasty but no satiety, hungry again by 11:00.

Lunch:  Deluxe sub, pepsi

 

One of their better efforts. 

Dinner:  Dominos philly pizza, bread bits, coke

Grossly excessive.  Ugh,

Exercise:  Nope.

133.4 

Death By Cortisol

Tuesday, August 25, 2026

Another night of not much sleep.  I'm so tired of not being able to go back to sleep.  Need to fix the work problem.

Breakfast:  Leftover LC pep pizza, coffee

Last of the leftovers.

Lunch:  Wendys pretzel pub burger, fries, spicy nugs, Dr Pepper

Okay I guess.

Dinner:  A little pulled pork w bbq sauce, 12 oz Yuengling

Also a sack of Taco Bell w pepsi

Exercise:  9 holes w cart.  My knees are unhappy.

134.4 

Summer Vibe Shift

Monday, August 24, 2026

A weird start to the week.  Woke up super early, about 4:00.  Half dozed for a couple hours, but didn't really feel like I got any additional sleep.  But still, I was functional.  Got to work early.

Scale up as expected, nothing else of note.  Annoyingly fat.

Worked very late.  Interesting vibe shift, I went home about 10:15 and it was completely quiet.  No people out and about on a beautiful 60 degree evening.  Summer appears to be over for many. 

Breakfast:  Leftover LC pep pizza, coffee

Yeah I went there.

Lunch:  CFA spicy w pepper jack, fries, strips w ranch, Dr Pepper

On the go.

Dinner:  Chili cheese dogs, fries, pepsi, no bakes

Meh.  I really need to get caught up at work and hit the grocery store.

Exercise:  Nope

133.2 

Viciously Painful

Sunday, August 23, 2026

Lots of time resting but man I sure am not rested.  Not high quality sleep at all.  Endless dreaming, then I was jerked awake at 3:45 by a VICIOUS foot cramp.  Felt like it was being folded in half front to back.  It held on longest in the toes and when it finally released the relief was incredible.  I have had a pretty good summer overall as far as cramping goes, but yeesh.

Not much else of note.  Scale ticked down due to activity, but still crazy fat.  I really felt it yesterday and am expecting the same today.

Breakfast:  Biscuits and gravy, 2 eggs over medium, hash browns, coffee

 

Again.  And again very good.  This is a half order, can't imagine eating a full order.

Lunch:  McD mcdouble plain, fries, Dr Pepper

On the go.  Snack of popcorn and pepsi later

Dinner:  LC pep, crazy bread and sauce, pepsi

And back to work I went 

Exercise:  9 holes with cart, not much extra walking.

131.8 

WInding And Driving

Saturday, August 22, 2026

Limped into the weekend.  Could not get to sleep last night either, don't think I got more than about four hours of sleep.

Turned out to be a decent day today, lucky to dodge the rain.  Lots of driving to and from golf and to a work site.  It was good to be outside.

With just over a month until vacation, I need to figure out if I can drop a few pounds.  Now. 

Breakfast:  CFA spicy biscuit w pep jack, BEC biscuit, hash browns, Dr Pepper

A different breakfast.  As CFA breakfast goes it was very good.

Lunch:  16 oz Miller Lite, Culvers onion rings, coke

Post golf, including a stop on the drive back

Dinner:  Mushroom swiss burger, fries w ketchup

From the local 5G knockoff.  Good burger, meh fries.

Will also have the small bowl of mint chip I ended up not having last night.

Exercise:  18 holes with cart, average walking

133.2 

End Of Week Tired

Friday, August 21, 2026

Not much to say.  Glad it is Friday.

Breakfast:  Coffee

Again was not hungry.

Lunch:  CFA spicy plus pepper jack, fries, coke

Had lunch a little early.

Dinner:  Jet's super special, coke

Will also have a small bowl of mint chip to clean that up. 

Exercise:  Nope.

132.2 

 

 

 

Briefest Update

Thursday, August 20, 2026

Doing this quick and late.

Breakfast:  Coffee

Was not hungry.

Lunch:  Wendy's pretzel pub, fries, Dr Pepper, frosty

Was hungry come lunchtime.

Dinner:  Subway meatball, pepsi

Will have a dish of mint chip ice cream too

Exercise:  Nope

131.8 

Doldrumming

Wednesday, August 19, 2026

Slacking.  Dragging.  Not producing at work.  The summer doldrums are here.

No excuse for it either, I'm just not feeling like doing much.  It's bad.

Scale was predictably up, got more taco bell than I needed.  Actually what I needed was zero, but regardless, I got too much.  Sleep was okay I guess.

Breakfast:  Greek Gods greek yogurt, coffee

 

Again.

Lunch:  Culvers mushroom swiss burger, spicy beans

 

Not their finest effort.  Decided I wanted something other than turkey with the beans that have been thawing in the fridge.  Those weren't my finest effort.  So we have a theme.

Dinner:  Salami ham sub, garlic cheese bread w sauce, Coke, rice krispy treat

Been quite a while since I've been to this place, new ownership.  Pricey but quite good.

Exercise:  Nope

131.2 

Delayed Effects Muse

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

It was shocking to see that the scale was not up this morning.  No idea why.  I had turrible lunch and dinner binges.  Especially dinner.  Thousands of calories.  Where did they all go?  Some of it, I'm sure, is just delayed effect, I was still burning a few extra calories after a reasonably active weekend.  But that certainly does not explain the whole thing.  And it's not like excess waste left.  A mystery.

Now if I could just fix the inclination to binge.  Stop losing inhibition, darn it, and eat like a normal person.

Breakfast:  Greek Gods plain greek yogurt, coffee

 

A bit smaller portion this morning, was excessive yesterday.

Lunch:  CFA spicy w pepper jack, fries, strips w ranch, lemonade

Excessive.

Dinner:  French dip, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

Also a sack of taco bell, pepsi. Ugh.

Exercise:  9 holes with cart, no extra walking.

129.4 

Things Which Do Not Photograph Well

Monday, August 17, 2026

As usual, not ready for it to be Monday.  On the plus side, I guess I am relatively well rested.  Did wake up at 3:00 but was able to go back to sleep within a half hour and stayed asleep until just before alarm time.

Was pleasantly surprised the scale was down, not expected after a day of eating way too much and plenty of bad stuff.  Some improvements in the eating would be most welcome.

Breakfast:  Greek Gods plain greek yogurt, coffee

 

No small yogurts on hand, never did make it to the store this weekend for my three item list.  Fortunately I had a big tub on hand.  Also:  I don't think it's possible to take a great photo of plain yogurt.  It just does not photograph well.

Lunch:  Wendy's pretzel pub burger, fries, small frosty

Pretty tasty, but pricey.  And I really need to get my mouth, psyche and stomach on the same page.  I would have been happy to keep eating, but when I went back to work I was quite full.

Dinner:  Pizza Hut thin pep beef pork, breadsticks, pepsi

Sigh.  Not bad, but ugh.

May also have a little mint chip ice cream. 

Exercise:   Nope.

129.8 

Not About Deflategate

Sunday, August 16, 2026

Scale was down this morning, and it certainly was not because I had a good eating day yesterday.  Good grief.

Anyway.  Woke up about 5:00 but got back to sleep.  Figure I got a good seven plus hours, which is great.  Managed not to get caught in the mental doom loop.

The humidity out there today is truly disgusting.  I'm not looking forward to being out in it and I am putting off as many household chores as I can until tomorrow (when it will be much less humid).

Breakfast:  Biscuits and gravy, 2 eggs over medium, hash browns, coffee

Again.  And again it was very good.  I should not do this every week, but it's certainly tempting.

Managed to narrowly avoid temptation for a baked good afterward.  Fortunately no good donuts were convenient and I did not go to the grocery store.  A quality cinnamon rolls sounds delightful but I will do without. 

Lunch:  Mcdouble plain, fries, Dr Pepper

On the go.

Dinner:  Home burger KMPT, chips and salsa, green beans w butter, 12 oz Miller Lite, ice cream and choc sauce, a little Coke

Sunday dinners.

Exercise:  18 holes with cart, some extra walking but not crazy.  Too humid for crazy.

132.2 

Update Weight

Saturday, August 15, 2026

Just a reminder to myself, that's all.

Super early start of sorts, woke up at 4:30.  Ugh.  Was able to doze a bit around 6, but I had to get up at 6:30 so sleep was short.  Scale predictably way up. 

Breakfast:  2 eggs over medium, bacon, hash browns, raisin toast w jam, coffee

 

The standard.

Lunch: 16 oz Miller Lite, BK texas whopper, fries, mozz fries, coke

For whatever reason I was hungry.

Dinner:  Chili cheese dogs, fries, coke

Probably not necessary.

Also a little mint chip ice cream. 

Exercise:  18 holes with cart, a decent amount of extra walking though on a flat course.

134.4

Well That Was Not It

Friday, August 14, 2026

Just glad to limp through the week.  Scale up as very much expected.  Need to shape up this weekend.

Breakfast:  McD BEC biscuit, burrito, hash browns.  Coffee

Decided not to open the new yogurt.

Lunch:  Mush swiss burger, fries, pepsi, combos

Local chain I don't get to often.  Solid.

Dinner:  Culvers pub burger, onion rings, coke

And a dish of ice cream 

Exercise:  Nope

131.2 

Where Do You Stop

Thursday, August 13, 2026

Still not locked in.  Is problem.

Ok sleep, got about 7 hours.  Was hoping for more but not surprised.  Scale up a shade.

Not much else of note.  Nice to get a blood draw this morning without a long wait and from a tech who both knew what she was doing and cared enough to do it right.  This lab employs quite a few who don't.

Breakfast:  Fage 2% greek yogurt, coffee 

Again.  Quick, easy and I don't need much.

Lunch:  BK texas whopper, fries, mozz fingers, coke

Excessive.

Dinner:  Dominos ny pep ham onion, parm bites, coke

Also a dish of ice cream w choc sauce.  Way excessive.

Exercise:  Nope

129.8 

Doing The Minimum

Wednesday, June 12, 2026

Very little of interest this morning.  A little sleep deprived, I dozed off last night, woke up and went to get ready for bed, then could not get back to sleep.  Probably got about four and a half hours after that, still woke up before my alarm.  Ugh.  Scale minimum up.

Looking like I'll have to work this evening, so there will be no accomplishments.

Breakfast:  Fage 2% greek yogurt, coffee

 

Again.

Lunch:  Deluxe sub, pepsi

 

Work travel. 

Dinner:  Subway meatball, pepsi

Will have a dish of ice cream later.

Exercise:  Nope

129.4 

They Said Things Could Always Be Worse

Tuesday, August 11, 2026

... and you know what, they were right.

Fortunately today isn't really that.  Sure the scale is up slightly, but small punishment for a major fail.  I will say that for slop chain pizza the local Hut did a very fine job.  

A rare morning where sleep actually won.  Woke up, got upright, went back to sleep.  Managed an extra half hour or so of legit sleep.  Could use more, but will take it.

Breakfast:  Greek yogurt, coffee

 

Not hungry this morning, just something in the stomach before coffee.

Lunch:  Siete ranchero beans, turkey, shred cheese, cheese popcorn

 

More of same with more beans. 

Dinner:  French dip, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

Also TB quesarito, steak burrito, pepsi 

Exercise: 9 holes with cart, no notable extra walking.  It was very very humid.

129.2 

With Precision

Monday, August 10, 2026

Another Monday.  Already.  I should have accomplished more yesterday than I did.  That said I did need some downtime and I think it was helpful.  I mostly managed to avoid thinking about work.

I didn't wake up quite as early, but it was still 6:00.  It was a pleasant, gradual wakeup.  Felt decent for not much more than six hours of sleep and was able to doze lightly for a while after.  Predicted the scale number with 100% accuracy - never ideal to see that sort of jump but I knew it was coming and owned it.  Will be attempting to do better today.

After an expensive weekend, it's nice to have a cheaper day.  I certainly could have spent $0 but taco Monday is pretty inexpensive.

Breakfast:  Fage 2% greek yogurt, Cabot seriously sharp cheddar, coffee

 

The Fage was on sale this week (and it was about the only plain greek yogurt Meijer had on the shelf) so I went with that.  It's better than Chobani but that's not saying much.

Lunch:  Turkey, Bush's southwest zest beans, jar jalapenos, cheese popcorn

 

More liberal with the beans.

Dinner:  PH thin pep beef pork, breadsticks, pepsi

Ugh way too much.

Later a small bowl of salted caramel ice cream w choc syrup. 

Exercise:  Nope.

128.4 

I Know I Repeat Myself

Sunday, August 9, 2026

Another day of waking early and being unable to return to sleep.  I tried.  I think I was even close in the 7:00 hour, but it never happened.  Sigh.  I'm just doomed to six hours or less.

Other than eating way too much pizza -- it wasn't painful or anything, it was just objectively more than I should ever eat -- and the soda yesterday was a pretty good day.  The scale was kind this morning, presumably reflecting the many thousand steps I got in.  Higher activity is definitely part of the plan, even if I acknowledge that I'll never be able to exercise myself thin.

Spent a lot of money yesterday, need to dial that back. Today it will be $22 for breakfast (w tip) and $28 at Meijer and hopefully that's all.

Busy day today, let's get to it.

Breakfast:  Biscuits and gravy, 2 eggs over medium, hash browns, coffee

 

Again.  Very tasty.  Need to dial back the frequency though.  Once a month maybe.

Also had Meijer donut holes

Lunch:  Culvers fried pickle pub burger, fries, coke

Unexpected lunch. 

Dinner:  Brats MR, salad no dressing, a few chips, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

Sunday dinners.  Add a coke in there too. 

Exercise:  A few holes with cart.

125.4 

Hoofing Und Hoofing

Saturday, August 8, 2026

Well that was a decent day.  Started off less than ideal with another morning of waking up super early and not really being able to get back to sleep.  But otherwise, not bad.

Breakfast:  2 eggs over medium, bacon, hash browns, raisin toast w jam, coffee

 

The usual.  Solid.

Lunch:  Pepsi, 16 oz Coors Light

Golf bevs.

Dinner:  Deluxe pizza, Coke

Excessive but tasty.

Also, mint chip ice cream.  Unless otherwise noted Turkey Hill Simply Natural, which I like.

Exercise:  18 holes with cart, LOTS of extra walking.  Pretty flat course but man I got in a lot of steps.

128.2

To The Line

Friday, August 7, 2026

Whew.  That was quite a week.

Looking forward to a little golf.  Maybe some work.  Need to do some, but I've been slacking on the weekends.

Scale way up, no surprise.  Sleep was okay, though I didn't really need to wake up at 4:45.

Breakfast:  A little Cabot seriously sharp cheddar, coffee

Quick and not much.

Lunch:  CFA spicy + pep jack, fries, strips w ranch, lemonade

A fat sack.

Dinner:  Italian beef, fries, a few leftover avo oil chips w avo salsa, mint chip ice cream

 

Need to get my menu plan sorted for next week.

Exercise:  Nope.

127.2 

Thursday Platitudes

Thursday, August 6, 2026

Holding the line.  Not much new.  Getting through the week.

Scale was predictably up.  Physically might not be quite as good as yesterday, but still better than I was.  We'll see how the weekend goes.  Probably won't reset the eating until then as I'll need to work tonight.

Breakfast:  Salami, coffee

Just a few remaining pieces as I ran out the door.  Darned early starts.

Lunch:  2x McDouble plain, Coke

On the go. 

Later, popcorn and pepsi

Dinner:  LC pep, crzy bread and sauce, pepsi

More work.  Massive fail.

Exercise:  Nope.

124.8 

Mood Way Up

Wednesday, August 5, 2026

I'm still in a tremendously good mood after yesterday's radical change in how I feel.  I don't think I'm doing a good job of describing it, and maybe I just can't.  Lately I have felt strained, and like I'm fading out.  Yesterday, starting in the afternoon, I felt more normal, more alive.  There may be a small psychological piece to it but it's mostly physical.  No, I'm not magically in shape or less fat.  But there was (and so far today, knock on wood is) a meaningful difference in how I feel and what that allows me to do.  My best guess is that it may have been a small clot breaking up but I'll probably never know for sure.  I just hope things continue. 

Anyway, I've never been so positive on a day the scale was way up - deservedly - and I'm miles away from an acceptable weight.  I'll be chipping away again, the battle continues.

Breakfast:  Salami, greek yogurt, coffee

 

Last of my mini yogurts.  They were on sale, making them about the same cost as a large tub at the time.  I like the convenience but if they're more expensive I should just buy the tub.

Lunch:  Jimmy Johns #9, salt and vinegar chips, coke

Had a work obligation.

Dinner:  BK texas whopper, fries, coke, avo oil tortilla chips and avo salsa

Very excessive.

Exercise:  Nope.

124.8