More Aliveness

Tuesday, May 19, 2026

A positive start to the day.  I was a little later than I had hoped getting to bed last night, finally sleeping about 10:30.  Some of that was I actually got a couple things done, but much of it was the usual scrolling.  A habit I really should break.  But anyway.  Slept okay and woke up about 5:00 feeling reasonably rested.  I did half-doze until alarm time, but it wasn't the usual unsuccessful striving to get desperately needed additional sleep.  I won't say I feel all caps great or anything, but I definitely am more alive for lack of a better word.

Still fairly pleased about yesterday's eating.  No binge, no suffering.  Scale was kind, a bit more of a drop than I would have expected given that there was no massive outflow of water.  But when you're superfat you tend to lose in chunks just by being not insane or even just less insane.

Let's have another day.

Breakfast:   Bacon wrap, coffee

 

Same wrap - Ole zero net carb tortilla, 2 slices OF smoked cheddar, 3 strips bacon, Pace cilantro lime sauce.  Tastes good and it's enough.

Lunch:  Home cheeseburger, Meijer hot dill pickle chips

 

Same burger.  Once again very good.

Pregolf snack:  McDouble 

Dinner:  French dip, 12 oz Miller Lite, popcorn

 

Usual.  Plus a bag of popcorn for salt.

Exercise:  9 holes with cart

129.6 

New Crawlers

Monday, May 18, 2026

Here we go again.  Another week.  Off to a slow start due to poor sleep.  At least I am less fatigued so far.  That's encouraging.

Hoping to start some changes.  We'll see how that goes.  Slowly would be my guess.  Scale up today after way too many carbs and calories yesterday.

Was amused this morning to see view counts bump up on posts, welcome new web crawlers.

Breakfast:  Breakfast wrap, coffee

 

Trying something different.  This is an Ole 'zero net carb' tortilla, 3 strips of bacon, 2 slices of OF smoked cheddar and a little Pace cliantro lime sauce which I impulse bought because it had no seed oils.  Pretty tasty.  I will try with an Egglife wrap instead at some point but the grocery store I have been frequenting lately does not seem to carry them.

Satiety was very good.  Let's hope that repeats. 

Lunch:  Home double cheeseburger, Meijer hot dill pickle chips

 

Frozen burger patties work pretty well other than being a lil messy.  This was two 1/4 lb patties, 2 slices of Sargento natural American, a little jalapeno mustard, buttered toasted bread.  Very tasty.  Plan is to really push to make lunch the main meal, ample protein.

I was very full after lunch and satiety again was excellent. 

Dinner:  2 eggs over medium, 1 Meijer sausage patty, ~ 1 C hash browns in EVOO, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

A bowl 'o breakfast.  Tried to keep the portions in check, less of everything.  Can even scale down the hash browns further I think.  Also:  I'm going to need to come up with another plan, given that I won't want to heat my kitchen so much this summer.  Might have to do charcuterie lol.

 

And the capper, NSA lemon pudding. 

Overall a decent day.  Too many carbs - bread plus hash browns plus milk - but a start is a start.   

Exercise:  Nope.  Felt better today, thankfully, but no exercise.

132.2 

Outage Again

Sunday, May 17, 2026

A little disappointment today.  Didn't get enough sleep.  Not enough protein.  Had a power outage on the golf course.  Frustrating.

Still it was nice to be outside.

Breakfast:  Ramen, toast, coffee

Yeah, all carbs and weird.

Lunch:  Chorizo egg casserole

Small portion, it was meh.

Dinner:  Sack of taco bell, pepsi.

It was mostly terrible.

Will have some ginger snaps and a glass of milk since I did not end up having any last night.

Exercise: 12 holes w cart.  Ugh.

131.8 

Outside Is Good

Saturday, May 16, 2026

Almost certainly the nicest weekend day we've had so far this season.  And you could tell people have spring fever, everywhere I went was super busy with people just being outside.

Not a day for great accomplishments.  Golf, errands and groceries have accounted for nearly 11 hours of the day so far.   No expectation that I'm going to get much more done either.  Scale was up.

On the plus side I have been fighting with my coffee maker for weeks, today for some reason it cooperated and gave me a full cup of perfect coffee without issue.  Huh. 

Breakfast:  2 eggs over medium, 3 strips bacon, hash browns, raisin toast w jam, coffee

 

The standard.  Solid. 

Lunch:  A few cashews, 12 oz Miller Lite

Post golf.

Dinner:  Cheeseburger, fries w ketchup, mexican coke

Way way way too many fries.  From the local 5G knockoff.  Good stuff.

Will probably have a Pepsi, some ginger snaps and a glass of milk later, but we'll see.

Exercise:  18 holes with cart.  Got in a solid amount of walking.  Felt fairly terrible early, but after a while notably better.  Exercise is good.

132.6 

Half Already

Friday, May 15, 2026

And just like that another week is done and we are (gulp) halfway through May.

One of those frustrating mornings where I woke up at 5:00 and just could not get back to sleep.  Tried hard, failed.  Sigh.  I should just resign myself to getting up and getting going.

Had another idea for the plan today.  Will see if I can put in play. Need to do something.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Again.  Almost forgot the photo.  Bread was from the freezer, worked fine.

Lunch:  Big mac, mcdouble fries Coke

On the road.

Dinner:  Qdoba brisket bowl, chips and queso, coke

Excessive.

Exercise:  Nope

131.6 

Revisions Soonish

Thursday, May 14, 2026

Okay going to try a new plan.  Not today, since I had stuff thawed, but next week.  Hopefully.  It's so hard to plan more than a few hours ahead right now.

Would have liked more sleep.  Felt like I could have gone back to sleep after waking and disposing, but it would have only been for a half hour or less so I didn't.  We'll see if I pay tonight.  Or sooner.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

A bit less cheese, a bit more bacon.

Lunch:  Taco rice, jalapenos, simply doritos nacho flavor

 

Way too many Doritos.

Dinner:  Pizza Hut thin pep ham beef pork onion, breadsticks, pepsi

Need a work solution.

Exercise:  Nope

131.6 

Stock Cracking

Wednesday, May 13, 2026

Stuck in a loop.

Hoping for a productive day.  I have far more to do than I have ability to do it.  But at least the sense of impending doom isn't as strong if I tackle as much as I can.  But I'll probably run out of gas.  Recharge at dinner and back to it, hopefully, for a few more hours.

It looks like I'll need to make significant dietary changes, as what I'm doing is not working.  Too many cracks, too much junk.  Not limiting the sugars and starches nearly enough.  And given how I feel physically what I'm eating is not treating me right.  Food, sleep and exercise, it's all interconnected, and the food should be the easiest to fix.

Breakfast:   Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Again.

Lunch:  Taco mash, guacamole, toast w butter

 

Last of the guac. 

Dinner:  Sack of McD, onion rings, coke, culvers concrete mixer

Work.

Exercise:  Nope, though I did move some boxes.

131.4 

It Makes Me Nervous

Tuesday, May 12, 2026

Not much of note.  It was a pretty standard day.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Again good.

Lunch:  Taco mash, guacamole, toast w butter

 

Low on rice so I had mash.

Dinner:  French dip, 12 oz Miller Lite

 Again.

Also, sack of Taco Bell w pepsi

Exercise:  9 holes with cart.  It wasn't a great night, I was tired and with fatigue comes a loss of fine motor control.  It's concerning.

130.4 

Synonyms For Scaries

Monday, May 11, 2026

Can't say that I was looking forward to this morning.  I woke up about 5:30 and it took quite a while to muster the enthusiasm to get going.  I tend to be a slow starter most days but today was definitely on the slower end of that.

Scale predictably bounced up after too much eating.  Nothing else of note.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Only thing new is that I cooked the bacon longer this week.

Lunch:  Taco rice, guacamole

 

Again.

Dinner:  Dominos thin pep, parm bites, coke/pepsi, caramel nut clusters

Rrrrr 

Exercise:  Nope.

131.0 

Slow Slow Mornings

Sunday, May 10, 2026

Hope all the Mothers are celebrating their day today.

Such a slow morning.  It's nearly noon as I write this.  So far I spent an hour and a half motivating just to get up, had a cup of coffee, got cleaned up, had breakfast, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and cooked the bacon.  That's not a lot of accomplishments for five and a half hours.  I'd go so far as to call it pathetic.  So slow.

Lots more to do, better get moving.  Scale down slightly, slept OK.

Breakfast:  Pancakes w butter and maple syrup, coffee

 

Also at various points toast w butter, OF spicy nacho tortilla chips, Pepsi 

Lunch:  Home olive burger (bread, butter, hamburger patty, swiss cheese, avo oil mayo, green olives)

 

Was very tasty. 

Dinner:  American goulash, salad, garlic bread, 12 oz Miller Lite, cookie and vanilla ice cream

 

Sunday holiday dinners. 

Also a lil bag of Taco Bell w Pepsi.  Too much eating today. 

Exercise:  Nope.  Not even super active.

128.6 

Weird Tired

Saturday, May 9, 2026

It seems like there are all sorts of different kinds of tired.  Today I got a little of the not enough sleep kinds but it really wasn't too bad.  Fresh air and exercise fixed that.  But I eventually got the run out of gas kind of tired.  Can't say I really enjoy that, it messes with my golf game.

Anyway.  TGIS.

Breakfast:  McD sausage mcmuffin, burrito, hash brown, coffee

Late and on the go.

Lunch:  Chili cheese dogs, fries, coke, ~ 8 oz Coors Light, pepsi

OK but not their best effort.

Dinner:  Chorizo burrito, mexican coke

 

Capper of Fig Newtons 

Exercise:  18 holes with cart, decent walking but not that much extra.  Also not as much elevation change as last week.

129.8 

Stretching For Six

Friday, May 8, 2026

How about that, it is Friday again.

Decided this morning that for my own amusements I'm going to track - to the extent possible - how long I sleep uninterrupted each night.  It won't be precise, just an estimate.  But it should be reasonably accurate given that I usually fall asleep without delay and also look at the clock when I wake up.  Last night was a little more than five hours.  Went to sleep very late.  I'll be surprised if it's often more than six and I'd be stunned if I hit seven more than once every couple weeks.

Nothing else of note.  Scale flat, usual tired.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Again.  And again very tasty.

Lunch:  Taco rice, guacamole

 

Again.

Dinner:  Qdoba brisket bowl, chips and queso, Coke

First time in a while that I got a bowl that was worth the $15.  Great job by my burrito artists.

Capper of chocolate milk.

Exercise:  Nope

130.6 

Multistarching

Thursday, May 7, 2026

Another day.  Had some concerns that this morning was going to be a cluster but it worked out OK.  It was looking bleak when I spilled a bunch of coffee all over my shirt but I had time to stop in a restroom and get it cleaned up.  Whew.

Not much else of note.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Again. 

Lunch:  Deluxe sub, pepsi.  Had some Combos later.

 

Not ideal.  Good sandwich tho.

Dinner:  Leftover enchilada eggs, hash browns in EVOO, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

Last of the eggs.  The hash browns did not really elevate the experience.

Glass of chocolate milk for the capper.

Exercise:  Nope.

130.2 

It Never Changes Does It

Wednesday, May 6, 2026

Another day in the salt mines.  Another crack last night with completely unnecessary eating.  Another night where it feels like I slept okay, but woke up after five hours or so and spun up the brain.  No more sleep for you.  So much cortisol.

Some of this morning's thinking centered around being stuck in this weight band.  It's been in the same ten pound range since early April.  Granted that there have been near-constant failures, but it's stuck.  I can usually make myself fix things at least for a week and lose some water, but not this time.  So far.  Might need to study the archives and find a better (i.e. less starchy) menu. 

Anyway, on that cheery note here we are again.  Scale predictably up, motivation predictably lacking.  Time for another cup of coffee.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Today's tweak, I didn't buy american cheese this week so today's cheese is cheddar and swiss.

Lunch:  Taco rice, guacamole

 

Again.

Snack, peanut butter pretzels (too many) and pepsi.  Today's exercise in I really didn't need THAT. 

Dinner:  Leftover enchilada eggs, 12 oz Miller Lite, leftover NSA chocolate pudding

 

On repeat.

Exercise:  Nope

131.0 

Brain Spin

Tuesday, May 5, 2026

A reasonably restful night.  I didn't do much, didn't overeat greatly, went to bed at a reasonable hour if a shade late.  Got at least six hours before I woke up.  Of course the brain promptly started spinning worrying about work and that was the end of the actual sleep, but as usual I did not actually get up.  That's the pattern.

Scale was down some.  Still in the same range I've been in lately.  Noticed yesterday that it's about ten pounds higher than I was when I left for vacation in March, which does not seem like much, but I feel remarkably worse physically.  Hopefully the commencement of regular golf season will boost my activity level enough to make a positive difference.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

The usual, except I only had one slice of american left so I added a slice of swiss.

Lunch:  Taco rice, guacamole, OF spicy nacho chips

 

Cleaned up the chips.  Need to not buy.

Dinner:  French dip, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

Standard post-golf dinner.  Very good sandwich tonight.

Also, a completely unnecessary sack of taco bell w pepsi. 

Exercise:  9 holes with cart

129.6 

The Expected Bloat

Monday, May 4, 2026

Not at all surprised to see the scale up today after a tremendous consumption of carbs yesterday.  A lot of carbs, a lot of food, a lot of junk.  Lots of tightening up to do.  Felt like I slept decently, woke up about five minutes before my alarm.  

While I was quite pleased by how well I kept my grocery spending in check (< $50) I do need to try and pare it down further in the form of not grabbing junk food from the aisle of super discounts.  No poptarts this week but I did buy more of the OF spicy nacho tortilla chips and some butterscotch chips to (someday) make cookies.  Just need to pass 'em up. 

Another week has arrived.  Lots to do, I had better get to it.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Slightly different, no french bread in stock so I bought a loaf of jalapeno cheddar.  

Lunch:  Taco rice, guacamole, OF spicy nacho chips

 

Again.

Dinner:   Enchilada eggs, V-8 juice, 12 oz Miller Lite

 

Sounded good, was good.

 

And the capper, some NSA chocolate pudding.  Had a stray box in the pantry and I wasn't ambitious enough to make cookies. 

Exercise:  Nope.  Had some ideas earlier about an after dinner walk but since I cooked it would have been late and in the rain.

131.0 

Fun With Wakeups

Sunday, May 3, 2026

An amusing, if slightly painful, wakeup.  I'm in the middle of an elaborate dream.  I'm sure I don't remember every last detail but I remembered most.  At the relevant point I'm walking/sliding down a slippery road with a companion and I tell them I need to stop and fix my left foot, which is cramping.  And at that exact moment (4:15 am thank you very little) I bolt awake with a nasty toe curling cramp in ... my left foot.  Dream meets reality, full crash.  Ugh.

Fortunately it only took about ten minutes to deal with it but I still, as usual, did not get great sleep afterward.  But I tried and I did sleep in a half hour or so.  Hopefully I don't pay for it tonight.

Anyway, I'll chalk the cramp up to yesterday's overexertion.  Today will be much less ambitious.  A standard Sunday, no golf.

Breakfast:  Toast w butter, leftover LC pizza, coffee

 

Random stuff.

Lunch:  Buttermilk pancakes w maple syrup, 3 strips bacon

 

More random stuff.  Most of the pancakes went in the freezer.  Bacon not pictured. 

Also had some OF spicy nacho chips (still on sale) and pepsi later.

Dinner:   Deluxe pizza, 12 oz Two Hearted, cake and ice cream

 

Sunday dinner was out this week. 

Exercise:  Nope.  Active day but no specific exercise.

128.8 

Effects

Saturday, May 2, 2026

Ugh.  Suffering the effects of extra pounds and extra activity.  I am capital T tired.  Fortunately it doesn't take too much to type up today's post.

I did manage to pick up my groceries for the week.  Under $50.  That's not so bad. 

Breakfast:  2 eggs over medium, bacon, hash browns, raisin toast w jam, coffee

The standard pre-golf breakfast out.  It wasn't their finest effort.  Also not my finest, since I forgot the photo until I had eaten everything but the second slice of toast.  Oops.

Lunch:  12 oz Miller Lite

I was rather stuffed after breakfast, but somehow I was hungry again six hours later.  But I had to wait until after going home to eat.

Dinner:  CFA spicy w pepper jack, fries, strips w ranch, coke

As mentioned, I was hungry.

Also:  Ginger snaps and a glass of milk.  Might have some toast w butter.

Exercise:  18 holes with cart.  Plenty of walking, though nothing crazy.  Quite a bit of up and down.  As mentioned, it was a lot in my current condition.

129.8 

May Day

Friday, May 1, 2026

TGIF.  While busy, today might be a bit less extreme than usual.  Which I am, frankly, hoping for.  I got a fair amount of work done last night but as is typically the case it also made me realize just how much I have to do.  Which is, to an extent, a good problem.  Just not to this extent.

April was a fail.  Scale ended up a few pounds.  Body composition is worse.  I'm fatter and in worse shape.  And the drive to fix it is definitely not as strong as I need it to be.  I very much need to fix what I eat, spend a lot less money mostly by not eating out/driving thru, and start walking.  Need to do it.

Anyway.  Hoping for a productive day and to get a jump on the weekend chores for once this evening.  We will see if that happens. 

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Same sandwich as yesterday, local bakery french bread, butter, 2.5 strips of bacon, 2 slices of american cheese.  The only thing different was I turned the toaster one shade darker.  And for some reason it turned out incredibly good.

Lunch:  McD big mac mcdouble fries coke

On the road.

Dinner:  Taco rice, 12 oz Yuengling, OF strawberry poptarts, milk

 

Also, toast w butter.  Quite a bit.

Exercise:  Nope.  

132.0 

Too Much Excessiveness As Per Usual

Thursday, April 30, 2026

Nothing new.  Too much work, too much eating, too much bad eating.  Not enough sleep.  Not enough rest.  Not enough down time.

Scale down a couple little ticks for no good reason but I'll take it.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

Same except different - out of english muffins so I bought a loaf of french bread and used a couple slices.  I need to make sure they haven't changed the ingredients but this was always the cleanest loaf, flour, water, yeast, salt.

Lunch:  Taco rice, some Our Family spicy nacho chips, OF frosted strawberry pop tarts

 

Standard kibble.  I think I forgot to note the chips yesterday, had more today.  They were inexpensive and surprisingly good (while also being terrible).  I bought a toaster and the store brand pop tarts were 99 cents.  Also terrible for me.

Dinner:  LC Pep, crazy bread and sauce, Pepsi

Another meal eaten at desk.  Yuck.

Exercise:  Nope.

129.4 

Go For Six

Wednesday, April 29, 2026

At least I got a lot of work done last evening.  It was one of the more productive stretches I have had lately, I did more in that three hours span than some full days.  No distractions is so nice.

Managed six hours of sleep before I woke up, which was also a plus.  If I ever get the diet fully on track maybe I can hit seven or eight some night after I dump this water weight.

Not much else of note.  More work beckons.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Again.

Lunch:  Taco rice plus jalapenos

 

Again.  New shorthand. 

Snack:  McDouble, Dr Pepper.  Had a low blood sugar moment.  Another reason to fix the damn diet. 

Dinner:  Leftover LC pep pizza with added green olives and parmesan, 12 oz Yuengling

 

Reheated.  Improved.

Capper of ginger snaps and milk. 

Exercise:  Nope.

129.8 

Way Of Working Out

Tuesday, April 28, 2026

I know I complain a lot, I should really do a better job of being grateful when things work out.  They have a way of doing that and this morning was a prime case.  I had something calendared incorrectly, moving it to the correct time made all the difference.

Now I could have not been awake at 2:50 am, but that initial four hours was destined to be the only solid sleep I got.  The next four was fitful at most and mostly spent not sleeping.  Doh.  Weight fractionally up but not bad considering the meltdown.

Breakfast:  Home breakfast sandwich, coffee

Forgot to take a photo, it's the same sandwich.

Lunch:  Taco meat, bone broth basmati rice, guacamole

 

Best kibble bowl in a while.  Very tasty.

Snack:  CFA strips with ranch.  On the go. 

Dinner:  LC pep pizza, crazy bread and sauce, pepsi

At least I ate less than usual.  Ugh.  Stupid endless work days. 

 

And a capper, two chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk. 

Exercise:  Nope.

130.4 

The Scaries

Monday, April 27, 2026

Not going to lie, I dreaded this week all day yesterday.  Just not enough to get up and get going when I woke up at 4:00 this morning.

Scale up after a rough day yesterday.  No surprise.  We'll see how this week goes, today will not be good.

Breakfast:  Breakfast sandwich, coffee

 

Same sandwich different week - clean english muffin, bacon, Sargento natural american cheese.

Lunch:  Deluxe sub

 

No time for the usual lunch, on the road.

Dinner:  Pizza Hut thin pep ham beef pork onion, breadsticks, pepsi

Ugh.

Exercise:  Nope.  Please fix.

130.2