Monday, February 25, 2013

Always Doubts

Monday, February 25, 2013

Yesterday was the first time that my confidence has really been shaken.  More on that in the exercise section.

I'm running on fumes again, once again stayed up past midnight dealing with drama.  I just don't function as well on this kind of limited sleep.  Did not get enough accomplished this weekend either and will have a ton of stuff to do today.

Other than that I'm feeling pretty decent and like I'm ready for a few uninterrupted days of success with food, sleep and exercise.

Breakfast:  1 container Fage full fat yogurt, coffee

Lunch:  2 chili dogs with mustard and onion, fries, 2 slices sharp cheddar

Screwed this up.  I had more time than I thought, could have had soup or eggs or something.

Dinner:  Spicy beans with deli turkey

Good stuff.
Had a 2nd bowl.  Best batch yet, more garlic this time.  Really good.

I bought a turkey on sale at the store last week, going to try to cook that up next weekend - deli turkey is expensive!

Exercise:  C25K, Week 8, Day 2 (try #2).  I knew there were going to be struggles.  Binge eating.  No sleep.  Slacking on the exercise.  The fact that I just flat quit the day before.  And yet, it wasn't so bad.  Oh the first half mile was miserable, but once I settled into a groove it wasn't awful.  Heart and lungs stayed well within acceptable limits.  Thighs still aren't real happy but not too bad there either.  As an encouraging sign I actually got further than expected - I thought I had definitely missed the '1 minute to go' and 'you are done' voice cues but no, I just went faster and further than before.  Not fast.  Faster.  Still slow.  I might have pushed 2 miles in my 28 minutes of "jogging" though which is a good thing.  Sure it's supposed to be 3 miles in that time but I'll get there eventually.  I still have more than two full months.

3.25 miles in 53 minutes according to the pedometer.  If I can get that down under 50 minutes pretty soon I'll be pleased.

I spent a lot of time during the first half mile wondering just why the hell I'm doing this.  I actually like walking.  I don't like jogging much at all.  It's probably dumb that I even try it - I'm still too heavy, it can't possibly be good for me.  The goal of completing a 5k means absolutely nothing to anyone other than myself.

And then I remembered that the only one I have to be accountable to is me.  I'm the one that set the goal and I'm going to be damned if I just toss it away because I don't feel like jogging some morning.  Yes, I look ridiculous.  No, it's not fun.  But I do like how I feel when I accomplish a goal, especially one that is a surprise to a lot of people - and, if I admit it, to myself.

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